Post by marian on Dec 14, 2014 10:09:54 GMT
Hi,
I was normal during the first 27 years of my life. I entered the psychiatric field because I experienced fear caused by an abusive relationship with the father of my son. At that time I had no blunted emotions, no psychosis, no mania, no depression. I wish I would have never ever entered psychiatry. I feel so stupid, they have only made me sicker.
The last three years I have been switched on and off antipsychotics (haloperidol, seroquel), antidepressants (efexor, sertraline) and benzodiazepines (lorazepam, oxazepam) each for months in a row.
I feel I'm in this cycle.
Antidepressant/seroquel + benzo's cause emotional blunting. So i quit. Two-three weeks after quitting I got severe mood swings and psychosis (three times now).
So i am forced on antipsychotics and benzo's. They cause emotional blunting. So i quit. Funny enough, stopping antipsychotics does not make me psychotic, even under extreme stress, for a longer period of time. Right after quitting I get depressed. After a while i give in to using a new antidepressant again (this one is different...they really do no long term harm..). And the cycle starts again.
It feels like playing pingpong with my serotonin - dopamin balance, while keeping me in a major apathic fog (benzo's). I have some big problems now... which I feel are at least partly caused by medication.
- Emotional blunting got worse and worse and did not go away after my last withdrawal (5 weeks ago). I feel I have lost all love, joy, faith and empathy. Even when I cuddle my son i feel empty. It's not depression, just feeling nothing. This is my major concern. I can't live with this. Does it ever return?
- Recurring psychoses. Each time right after antidepressant and benzo withdrawal. This time i decided to break the cycle, stayed calm and refused meds and recovered within days without antipsychotics.
- Fear and sleeplessness. I was forced on 0.5mg lorazepam again and stopping makes me scared and awake all night.
- Cognitive deficits. I had an extremely good memory, but now I almost feel demented. I have problems with attention, memory, planning, executive functioning so severely I can't run a household.
Doctors are of no help. At the moment I am locked up in a psychiatric ward because of my former psychotic symptoms, pressured to take drugs to prevent future problems. I can't be forced because I am not psychotic and cause no problems, but because i don't take them I am stuck here and not allowed to see a therapist or seek other help. I am getting very worried, thinking this will never end, they will keep on drugging me and I will lose the tiny bits of me I have still left.
So... help!
Some questions:
- Where did you turn to for info and help? No matter how calm I am and no matter how much research I hand them... psychiatrists see my ideas on drugs and withdrawal as "crazy" and a reason to keep me locked up. My symptoms are so bad now that I can't live alone with my son... the only solution offered is new medication... which worsens my problems.
- Are there any hopeful stories of especially the emotional blunting going away? Does this pass?
I was normal during the first 27 years of my life. I entered the psychiatric field because I experienced fear caused by an abusive relationship with the father of my son. At that time I had no blunted emotions, no psychosis, no mania, no depression. I wish I would have never ever entered psychiatry. I feel so stupid, they have only made me sicker.
The last three years I have been switched on and off antipsychotics (haloperidol, seroquel), antidepressants (efexor, sertraline) and benzodiazepines (lorazepam, oxazepam) each for months in a row.
I feel I'm in this cycle.
Antidepressant/seroquel + benzo's cause emotional blunting. So i quit. Two-three weeks after quitting I got severe mood swings and psychosis (three times now).
So i am forced on antipsychotics and benzo's. They cause emotional blunting. So i quit. Funny enough, stopping antipsychotics does not make me psychotic, even under extreme stress, for a longer period of time. Right after quitting I get depressed. After a while i give in to using a new antidepressant again (this one is different...they really do no long term harm..). And the cycle starts again.
It feels like playing pingpong with my serotonin - dopamin balance, while keeping me in a major apathic fog (benzo's). I have some big problems now... which I feel are at least partly caused by medication.
- Emotional blunting got worse and worse and did not go away after my last withdrawal (5 weeks ago). I feel I have lost all love, joy, faith and empathy. Even when I cuddle my son i feel empty. It's not depression, just feeling nothing. This is my major concern. I can't live with this. Does it ever return?
- Recurring psychoses. Each time right after antidepressant and benzo withdrawal. This time i decided to break the cycle, stayed calm and refused meds and recovered within days without antipsychotics.
- Fear and sleeplessness. I was forced on 0.5mg lorazepam again and stopping makes me scared and awake all night.
- Cognitive deficits. I had an extremely good memory, but now I almost feel demented. I have problems with attention, memory, planning, executive functioning so severely I can't run a household.
Doctors are of no help. At the moment I am locked up in a psychiatric ward because of my former psychotic symptoms, pressured to take drugs to prevent future problems. I can't be forced because I am not psychotic and cause no problems, but because i don't take them I am stuck here and not allowed to see a therapist or seek other help. I am getting very worried, thinking this will never end, they will keep on drugging me and I will lose the tiny bits of me I have still left.
So... help!
Some questions:
- Where did you turn to for info and help? No matter how calm I am and no matter how much research I hand them... psychiatrists see my ideas on drugs and withdrawal as "crazy" and a reason to keep me locked up. My symptoms are so bad now that I can't live alone with my son... the only solution offered is new medication... which worsens my problems.
- Are there any hopeful stories of especially the emotional blunting going away? Does this pass?
